Randy's Diamond

 We like to git ourselves in sticky situations too, hawhaw!  Out east, yonder the plains o’ the heartland, we scurried them Blue Ridge Mountains- what the Cherokee natives called Sha-con-age!- minin’ those caves a’ North Carolina diggin’ for treasures where the original gold rush a’ America took place, back even before California got its honors.  You folks might not know it, but that Blue Ridge belt contains all kinds a’ riches only the local folks know about.  Golds, sapphires, emeralds, rubies with good asterism, and mica- Lord knows, tons of mica!- are all up in them foggy mountains, all the way from the Chattahooche to the Shenandoah.  Paintin’s o’ destiny smeared ‘cross the landscape.  You ain’t know nothing about it, aha!  Yep, we climbed up n’ down those caves, all freestyle.  Don’t need no stinkin’ rope in them teeny caves like they do out west.  But listen, you wanna know why we’re really out here?   It ain’t for farmin’; that’s just prep work.  We’re fixin’ up for a real treat, somethin‘ nobody’s supposed ta‘ know about.   When I was in the Great Smokey mines, rumor came ta' me that the largest diamond in the world was hidden away atop Grand Teton, left there by a man with a broken heart who climbed it only to leave it there.  It was after his wife died that he swore, by heaven’s oath on her grave, that he’d never let anyone else touch that diamond, so he had to put it where nobody could find it, as keepsake for his wife.  Not only that, but his wife’d wanted that diamond as close to heaven as possible, which is why the man decided to put it on one of the most unreachable summits in America.  Now, ain’t that romantic?