Tuesday, April 29, 2003

Goth Music

    One of my favorite albums right now is Fallen by Evanescence.  It's a reflection of this Goth phase I've sort of entered into.  I really like Gothic music and art, its decadence able to fill the hollowness in my soul.  However I don't dress in dark and dreary drab like a true Goth would.  Despite all the unusual and obscure things that interest me, I still look like your average Joe, the guy next door who seems as normal as they come.

    The best songs for me on the album are My ImmortalTourniquet, and My Last Breath.  They are alive with pain, stained by loss, the attraction of death and suicide used to perfection.  When you relate as strongly as I do to the sadness and desperation in Amy Lee's voice, songs like these let you know you're not alone, that you're not the only one whose loneliness has caused you so much suffering.  They are tremendously valuable in that respect.

    Like Manson and Garbage, Evanescence has broken through to become a significantly popular Goth band.  I'm not sure why these bands became so popular, yet the many artists on the Metropolis label have not.  I'm thinking of Theater of Tragedy, Tristania/Sirenia, Wumpscut, Velvet Acid Christ, Funker Vogt- all seriously talented bands with some catchy tunes.  Then there's Delerium, one of my favorite bands, who never made it big despite changing their sound into a more pop friendly one.  

    I guess these labels don't think a mass market for Goth music is there, though it clearly is.  Fallen is one of the best-selling albums of the year.  Artists like these deserve more exposure.  Rock could use a little dark age, as the age of alternative seems to be sputtering out.  I think we'll either see it evolve with a renaissance of Gothic rock, or it will continue to fade out of the mainstream, like the jazz era before it.

The Bee

I was a busy bee, buzzing through the garden, 

Who had no idea the flowers were watching me, 

Wanting me to explore their pistils.

They were all so alluring, each colorful petal, 

Strung out on the bushes like Christmas lights 

Waiting to be turned on by my fluttering wings. 

I never approached one, not for the life of me, 

For I had a vague sense that their beauty 

Would steal my soul, eat me alive, destroy me. 

Until one day, I saw the prettiest of them all, 

A golden spiral of loveliness calling at me,  

Emanating a scent so strong that it froze my mind, 

Hijacked my will, diverted my purpose. 

As I flew close to my one true flower, it sucked me 

Into oblivion, squeezed out my breath, 

Tossed me into a vicious storm of self-doubt, 

Making me aware that beauty had tricked me. 

She closed her calyx on me, wrapping me 

Inside, where it’s warm but dark as a prison, 

Courting me with her ultimatum: pollinate or die. 

Friday, April 25, 2003

Emotional Repression in Men

Feminists like to complain about gender biases in our society, and rightly so, but we men have some gripes of our own.   Early on we are taught that feminine qualities in men like compassion, beauty, and sadness are shunned upon.   Society doesn’t allow us to cry in public- and even in our inner circles- without humiliating ourselves.   We are forced to swallow our tears due to the expectations people have on us.   Likewise, we are trained to repress our fears in order to appear strong.   Hollywood does a good job depicting the ideal man as an impenetrable, ironclad hero who isn’t afraid of anything.  But in reality, the best heroes are the ones who aren’t afraid to cry at a good film, or after the loss of a loved one.  

The mass repression of emotions in men has been detrimental to society.   Our doctrine of nonchalance and carelessness when it comes to domestic issues is directly related to the number of divorces, abandonments, and other abuses in many households.  When boys are taught discipline by violent means, it tells them that wrath is an emotion to be valued, not love.  When our fathers leave us, it teaches us that being there for our family isn’t as important as being there for ourselves.  Repressing our childhood traumas means that the only way we can express them is through re-enacting them.   We can’t talk to anyone about them, use them to create art, or take a time out just to soak in the sadness, because we are so worried about what people might think of our feelings, or how vulnerable we’ll appear.  Men are trained to always be moving, reacting, appearing confident and powerful, using our wrath to enhance our dominance.   It’s a vicious cycle that applies to many women as well, but the social expectation of men to hide (and in extreme cases, deny) their weaknesses is unfair and frankly sexist. 

Men should be taught that it’s ok to open their hearts, release the tension, ask for a hug and give one without feeling awkward.  We need to know that our feelings matter, that we shouldn’t need to solely rely on our mother’s advice for emotional problems.  A good father should give excellent practical advice, but he should also be there when we we're feeling down.  A good father doesn’t tell us to “man up” and “quit crying like a girl”.  We need to be shown that sadness is ok, that anger is not as good as we make it out to be, that it’s ok to shed some tears when someone is watching.  We need to be shown that beauty and art are sacred things that move the heart and help us follow our dreams.  Most importantly, we need to know that it’s ok to be afraid, because nothing teaches the value of life more than fear does. Without it we take life for granted, seeking only to please ourselves. 

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

A Better World

    I dream of a better world.  A world where children are taken care of, educated and loved.  Where people treat each other as equals, not as inferiors.  Where race doesn't exist.  Where people realize how pointless the act of war is, and do everything in their power to prevent it.  Where world leaders listen to the voices of the oppressed and not the privileged.  Where school curricula include meditation, home improvement, farming, sustainable living, and other practical things.  Where people buy local and do everything they can to eliminate pollution.  Where immigrants and refugees are welcomed to each country with open arms.  Where abortion is legal but only allowed in extreme cases.  Where guns are legal but only available to the mentally stable.  Where advertisements don’t exist and the media doesn’t influence our lifestyles.  Where capitalism thrives, but has its limits.  Where money is invested in infrastructure, research & development, and the energy crisis instead of war, oil, and automobiles.  Together we can build this world, one step at a time.
    Don't call me left, don't call me right.  Don't call me an idealist or a pragmatist.  I am simply me.  I don't fit your criteria; I don't fit into your tidy boxes that keep things in order for you.  I'm just one of the millions of others you put labels on in order to make you feel like your ideology is correct.  The crazy thing is, we both want the same thing.  We both want a better world, so let's put down our defenses and compromise.

Thursday, April 17, 2003

The Runner

Off in the distance, running fast and free, the runner tore off his shirt and threw his arms into the air, like a V.  To his sister it looked like he was a bird that had found momentary liberation.  Thunderheads rolled over the plains in front of him, in a sky that had quickly darkened.  She watched him out there weaving his way through the corn, as the lightning that flashed all around him created a silhouette of his body.  The image became etched in her mind, stamping itself on her memory for all the long years ahead of her:  her brother, her most favorite person in the world, escaping from home and finding freedom out there in the country, where the endless expanse of nature offered him endless possibilities.  It became an icon of fearless inhibition for her.  She only wished that someday she could be brave enough to run the way he did. 

After coming to the end of the path that had wound through the cornfield, he decided to climb the gate that separated their property from the others.  He ran and ran, now across a meadow, then over another hill, into the forest.   This spontaneity was an accolade from the sun, that burning force of action and sanctity.  When he ran, he felt free and impervious to his surroundings.  Nothing could touch him; not the thorns of society, nor the saturnine dismissal of highfalutin snobs.  Advertisements, commercials, despotic weasels, his drunken father- those inhibitions that emaciate the spirit- none of them pestered him when the circulation of air flowed through the machinery of his lungs.  The concentrated breaths gave him focus; his sinewy legs in contact with the Earth helped him to regain the pleasure of being.  As each breath was drawn and exhaled there was a discarding of toxins, both chemical and spiritual.  An invigorating convergence of body and mind powered him forward.  

In the forest there was a clearing, where a wealthy suburban neighborhood sprouted up between the trees.  Cheerful gardeners waved at him as he sped by, noticing the rough outline of his angled anatomy- a body he felt was ugly and repulsive.  Most notably, they saw the flying hair flanking his chiseled face, whose wavy strands of auxiliaries seemed to create the illusion of wings, causing them to wonder if he was indeed trying to fly, like his sister had thought.  He noticed them too and returned their waves.  Their houses had an opulence seldom seen in the slums of his own neighborhood.  Where broken windows and ramshackle roofs should have been, here there were perfectly trussed crowns that stood behind the eyeballs of smiling gables.  Dogs barked at him, running on the greenest grass he’d ever seen; grass that was still glistening from the thaw of the morning frost.  Tasseled chimes made harmonies in the wind, and he could hear children at play in the backyards of those hearty palaces.  And then there were the immaculate gardens manicured daily by loving mothers, their flowers a prismatic array of colors, bulbous and vain, resplendent in the afternoon paraphernalia of nature’s splendor.  

Passing the street, he ran back into the forest.  Soon it cleared and he found himself in a field of windswept cornstalks before a cluster of bright-red persimmon trees.  Dark clouds blotted out the horizon, nearly eclipsing the noon-day sun high overhead.  The wind whistled across his face, softening his form, soothing the workhorse of his body.  He didn’t fear for the changing weather.  In fact, when you are running and the weather turns sour, it is often the best time to experience the galvanizing torrent of Awakening.  He welcomed the abrasive elements into his vicinity when they decided to greet him.  Giant poplars along the slough of the river stretched sideways because of the blowing wind.  Raindrops began to fall on his elated face, but he kept on sprinting ahead, dragging the miles out of his endless bank of perseverance.  

Ahead there was a thunderhead that billowed up high, shading the sun from its friendly grace.  He saw the distinct frame of a bridge over the river and spread his arms out wide again.  His face became pummeled by the incumbent rain.  A gust of wind blew him sideways, and he briefly lost his balance.  But all the months of running over rocky terrain had conditioned him to easily regain his footing.  The medium through which he ran changed from a steady rain to a biting hail.  He looked around and found that there was nowhere to take cover.  But he also knew that thunderstorms only lasted for a few minutes before moving on, and so he continued his journey of Ascension as the storm's strength increased proportionally.  Wiping the flooding sky away from his eyes, he narrowed in on the bridge, sprinting as fast as he could, his arms unholstering imaginary guns from his belt with each strong pump of his core.  On the bridge he could hear the percussion of hailstones beating down on the pavement, and the faint whisperings of wind over the water below.  In an instant he diverged left, closed his eyes, and made a swift launch with one leg over the railing of the bridge, high into the air.  His heart climaxed from the exhaustion of the run as water came at him from all directions.  Just before he landed in the river he opened his eyes, and when he looked up, he could have sworn he’d seen God, both at the apex of physical exertion and in the serene rays of the sun seeping through a penumbra in the diaphanous clouds.  Everything turned white as the river swallowed his body and the thunderstorm relented its hold on the battered valley. 

Hell and Heaven in Eastern Religions

    Contrary to popular opinion, most religions of the east have a version of Hell. They just aren't as widespread in popularity as they...